


Ugh

by Fedora Of Adorableness (TheTimelessChild0)



Series: Omovember 2020 [20]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Embarrassment, Omovember 20, Omovember 2020, Parental Peter Burke, Post-Episode: s04e02 Most Wanted, Urination, assisted urination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27617425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/Fedora%20Of%20Adorableness
Summary: He knew he didn't like guns. Now he knewwhy.
Series: Omovember 2020 [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987816
Kudos: 5
Collections: WC²





	Ugh

This was stupid. This was _so_ stupid. It was the only way he could describe it. _Stupid_. I mean, sure the bed was nice, the way they kept giving him ice(sans wine regretfully), and the TV brought him the warmth of Saturday nights, except neither him nor the Burke’s had a television anywhere near their bed. 

He looked around the room. There was nothing he could use as crutches. But he needed to get out of the damn bed; unless he wanted to call the nurse in for an exceptionally unsexy reason.

Peter grabbed hold of his foot when he entered and saw the escape attempt.

“Can you not try to run for five seconds? Where the hell do you think you’re going with that leg?” he posited, concerned.

“To the bathroom,” he stated like he was doing nothing wrong.

“Neal..you heard the doctor, no excessive movement of any kind. That means you stay in this bed until you can run _without_ screaming in agony,” Burke reminded him.

“Would you prefer I scream in agony while my bladder explodes?” Neal quipped.

“No. But by all means, make all the noise you want while using _this_ ,” the agent handed him a medical urinal.

Caffrey glared at it through the corner of his eye and closed both eyes tiredly; he whined like as if he had a stomach cramp. Anything but _that_ would do.

“Neal; the Doctor told you not to move, you’re gonna _listen_ to him,” Peter instructed. “The alternative is a catheter, that won’t be pleasant either,” 

“Well, he also said I shouldn’t sit upright,” he countered.

The Suit sighed in sympathy. No one would find this easy, not even _him_ if it came to it.

He rubbed his friend’s hand. 

“I know this is a lot to deal with over a hole punched leg. But it’s for the best; you just have to be patient. I know it’s not what you’re used to, and it’s uncomfortable. But come on, at least try,” he smiled at the con man encouragingly.

“Friggin’ fine,” Neal rolled his eyes. It wasn’t just out of the ordinary. It was entirely off the table for him to pee in bed. But he would make adjustments for the sake of his own personal health and well-being.

Caffrey took his penis out of his pyjamas once Peter had left him to his own devices; and aimed it into the receptacle. Then, he told himself to let go. But it didn’t work. He couldn’t. It just felt beyond wrong. He was entirely in the wrong position to pee _anywhere_. The worst thing was that he could feel that he _really_ needed to go.

He texted Peter that he was done, sending the elder back into his room; where he found the bottle empty.

“Sorry, should’ve specified. I’m done _trying_ ,” he clarified, keeping a hand on his lap, carefully covering his private area.

“Nothing at all?” the man verified. Neal nodded.

“It’s aggressively against convention. I’m not built for peeing the bed, much less peeing _in_ the bed,” 

“Would it help if I gave you a hand?” Peter proposed.

“Excuse me?” the rarely scandalised patient looked like he wanted to vigorously cross himself or read from the bible.

“Just..that’s not what I meant- you still trust me?” Burke asked.

“More than anyone else I know,” Neal reaffirmed passionately.

Peter patted his hair. “Great, let’s try something. I’ll help you,” he introduced.

“How?”

“Start by putting the pickle back in the jar,” 

Caffrey huffed at the metaphor, but surrendered. He was suddenly very aware of what his handler was seeing, and blushed.

Burke’s smile grew wider and fonder.

“ _I_ have one of those too,” he reminded him.

“Can we get on with it? I feel like I’m about to grow another _smaller_ anklet,” Neal complained, referring to pulsing in his ‘pecker’.

“Of course,” Peter checked that everything was in place, and gently placed a hand on Neal’s abdomen; where his bladder was...Then he started by equally _softly_ stroking it. A bit shot out. 

“Ooh,” Neal remarked in surprise.

Burke tried again, with more fingers. More sprays hit the bottom of the canister. Now certain that he found the sweet spot, he pressed down carefully. And that was it. All it took. Like a hose with a plugged hole, the urine was released fully, with no hesitation. Caffrey capitalised on the opportunity to moan and groan in utter, unadulterated ecstasy, tilting his head back in relief.

He sighed and smiled as he went. Peter smiled too, still keeping a hand on the man’s bladder.

“You can let go now, I got it,” Neal panted with confidence.

“You sure?” he questioned the command.

The patient nodded firmly. Once the hand was gone, nothing happened; except _peeing,_ that is.

Neal was no longer smiling, but was still closing his eyes, looking every bit like he was in a restroom and not a bed. Not a care in the world. Though, the Suit was glad to note he did mind his aim...

He knocked on the side of his bed to let Peter know to turn back around; despite not explicitly asking him to move anywhere in the first place.

His friend took the bottle casually and placed it on the tray table. Subsequently dialling for the nurse to dispose of its contents.

“Nice colour. Good. You’ve been hydrating,” Burke registered his appreciation.

“Ate all the ice chips I could without getting brain freeze,” Caffrey quipped. Then he cleared his throat. Turning once again, Peter realised the man still technically had dirty hands.

“Oh, right, sorry,” he apologised, handing him some wet wipes, which were placed in the trash.

“Get some sleep,” Peter requested kindly as he left.

“No problem, Petey. I’ve never felt this relaxed in my life,” Neal sighed, closing his eyes as if falling asleep. Burke noticed his eyes spring open immediately after. He was looking down at his leg, visibly frustrated. The agent gave him a truly heartfelt thumbs-up, closing it behind him- crossing his fingers for a nice long rest for _his_ Neal.

The End.


End file.
